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Music notes By Sean Rayford

The band’s tour manager claims that “you guys are gonna poop your pants” after hearing the [new Darkest Hour] record.

On Darkest Hour’s recent trip to Columbia I was almost severely disappointed. Their was no blue law skirting involving the illegal purchase of beer. There were no labelmates from Iceland or trips to Taco Bell on the following Monday afternoon.

I had no joy of watching them toss a bathroom sink into a toilet and there were no fan blades or human heads plunging through office room walls. But as usual the fellas managed to rock a lot of people’s faces off on stage at Headliner’s Music Hall the other night.

If trends continue for the guys from our nation’s capital they’ll be rocking your face off from the stereo on July 10 with the release of Deliver Us, the first studio effort since 2005’s Undoing Ruin.

The band’s tour manager claims that “you guys are gonna poop your pants” after hearing the record.

BEASTIE BOYS: THICK LIKE BEYONCE’S LEG A hip-hop group with no vocals or samples? The Beastie Boys first new studio material since 2004’s To the Five Boroughs will consist of 12 instrumental tracks and will be titled The Mix-Up. It will feature help from keyboardist Money Mark and percussionist Alfredo Ortiz. Due out June 26, the Boys had at one time considered the prospect of naming the record Thick Like Beyonce’s Leg.

HASSELHOFF CAUGHT WITH MAYO LIP In a video that recently surfaced from the studios of a Hollywood living room, Germany’s favorite musician David Hasselhoff was recently exposed by his 16-yearold daughter during a alcohol-related relapse. Shirtless and lying on the floor, the former “Baywatch” star is drunk as a skunk while attempting to chow down on a Wendy’s burger.

It’s so sad that it is completely laughable and utterly hilarious to see mayonnaise and lettuce hang from the the celebrity’s upper lip while he responds to his daughter, “Fuck you,” “I’m lonely” and “Ugghh, this is a mess.”

On Monday, May 2 Hasselhoff’s ex-wife Pamela Bach entered an emergency plea with the Los Angeles Superior Court for full custody of the couple’s two children. For now, his contact will be limited to telephone calls. His statements about being lonely and not having his children in his life were obviously one of those selffulfilling prophecy type things.

NEW ORDER: KISS OF DEATH

According to bassist Peter Hook in a recent interview with radio station Xfm, New Order has called it a day and will not be getting back together. But it’s not like anyone died so who really knows? Electronic didn’t keep the wankers away from each other in the long run. Hook has been talking with Jane’s Addiction singer Perry Farrell regarding their involvement together on a project called Satellite Party which appears not to have influenced the split. I’d really like to hear “Let’s Go” and “True Faith” this weekend at Art Bar. Please.

WILL THE VIOLINS BE PLAYING?

If you’ve been hungering for a new-old Burns Out Bright recording or some strange conceptual songs of new Deep Elm bands covering older bands from the label the recently released Cover Your Tracks should quell your needs.

“It was one of the first things we ever recorded for Deep Elm,” says Burns Out Bright singer Isaac Stone about the band’s version of Pop Unknown’s “This Guy’s Ready for Bed.” In addition to the Burns Out Bright cover, Lock & Key covers Brandtson, Desert City Soundtrack covers Appleseed Cast and Small Arms Dealer covers Cross My Heart.

In additional cover song compilation news, Guilt by Association will be released as the summer winds down Aug. 28. Featuring Luna and their version of Paula Abdul’s “Straight Up,” Superchunk’s version of Destiny Child’s “Say My Name” and Goat’s version of Fall Out Boy’s “Sugar We’re Going Down” it’ll surely turn heads. Whether it’s because it will be impressive or just plain bad is yet to be determined.

MOVE SOMETHING

Leave it to Talib Kweli to put out a record with guest appearances from both Norah Jones and U.G.K. Ear Drum, Kweli’s first release on the Warner Brothers imprint, Blacksmith Music will be sweeping the streets on July 24. The Brooklyn-based emcee has also recruited help from the likes of Kanye West, Pete Rock, MadLib and, of course, HI-Tek.

PANTERA FANS IN LOVE

As a senior in high school I stood on a balcony at the famed 9:30 Club in Washington, D.C. as Nerf Herder’s Parry Gripp berated my least favorite teacher. He called Ms. Phoebus a “giant fat cow” or something of that nature and instantly I fell in love with the band who brought us “Nosering Girl” and the theme song for “Buffy the Vampire Slayer.” I also saw Isabelle’s Gift for the very first time that day.The Santa Barbara geeks have just announced the completion of work on a new album, their first since 2002’s American Cheese. Details are still surfacing.